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Reading Your Opponent's Mind When Negotiating

By Michael Soon Lee, CRS, GRI

Every martial artist knows that no matter how much strength, weaponry or capability your opponent has, if you can find his one weak point you can bring him to his knees. This is why before any contest, martial artists will learn everything they can about their opponents by finding opportunities to watch them train and spar. Through spying you can learn what style he practices, whether he is are left- or right-handed and any weaknesses he might exhibit.

Similarly, before any negotiation you can check many sources of information that can give you an edge over your competition. Much of the information you need to gain an edge in negotiations is readily available from such sources as: public records, product catalogs, the internet, and simply by asking the seller or buyer. For instance, if you are considering the purchase of a new car you can search the internet to find out the suggested retail price and even the dealer’s profit margin, in many cases. Before discussing with your child about curfew talk to other parents with children the same age about what time they require their kids to be home. If you are applying for a job you can easily find out what people in similar positions are receiving by checking the internet or with job placement agencies.

Every person buys or sells something because they are trying to solve a problem. If you know why they are trying to sell you can use this to your advantage. If their need is critical, if the time is short, or their discomfort level is high that person has a strong motivation to make a deal and you can leverage that to strike a deal that works in your favor.

The key is to find out why they are selling or buying which means asking questions. Start by digging for clues about what problem they trying to solve? By helping them solve their problem you can get what you want.
The following is a list of questions to ask that will help you discern your opponent’s motivation:

Buying Products
Some of these questions you would want to answer in advance of talking to the seller (research) and others you can ask directly.
- What similar products are available? (research)
- What is the cost of similar products? (research)
- How many other people are interested? (research)
- Why are you selling this product?

Selling Products
As above, some of these questions you would want to answer in advance of talking to the seller (research) and others you can ask directly.

- How large is the pool of potential buyers? (research)
- Is there an optimum time to be selling this product? (research)
- Why are you considering purchasing this product at this time?
- Have you purchased one of these before?

Tips On Asking Good Questions

Like a savvy newspaper or television reporter, the questions you ask must be concise and elicit the information you need. Asking questions is an incredibly powerful way to obtain the information you need and want. Again, when you ask a question, the person you are speaking to must stop, listen to the questions, come up with an answer, and respond. It immediately puts you in control.

Be careful how you phrase your questions because they can be unknowingly offensive. For example, if you are asking a couple about financing an expensive new high-tech television you might not want to ask the husband, “What does your wife do for a living?” This could be considered an affront because it implies that he does not earn enough to support the family. Instead, you could ask, “Does your wife work outside the home?” which is more likely to be taken as curiosity rather than insulting.

Women tend to excel at asking questions without being insulting by putting themselves in the other person’s shoes. They also seem more apt to ask questions possibly because they have less of their egos invested in the situation. Many of us men seem to feel that asking questions implies that we aren’t very smart so we are reluctant to put our egos on the line.

In addition, people like answering questions because it makes them feel important. Also, you are asking for help and people like to be helpful. As a result, they may give you more information than they were planning on providing because they want to help you and their inhibitions are relaxed.

Different types of questions elicit different types of answers:
Open questions encourage dialogue. They begin with “What” “Who,” “Where,” “Why” or “How.” They cannot be answered “yes,” “no,” or with a number. Open questions are more likely to elicit truthful answers because they are more elaborate than short answers.

Examples of open questions would include:
“Who has the authority to give me a discount?”
“What kind of discount did you have in mind?”
“When did you plan on buying?”
“Where is our biggest area of disagreement?”
“Why do you want this product or service?”
“How do you plan on using it?”

Closed questions elicit information, onfirm your understanding or seek commitment. Closed questions can usually only be answered “yes,” “no,” or with a number.

Examples of closed questions would include:
“Do you like this product?”
“If I guaranteed immediate delivery, would you buy today?”
“Can you think of a reason not to do this?”
“Would you like this today?”
“Should I wrap this for you?”

In negotiations it’s natural to be focused on “what’s in it for me?” It’s human nature to be primarily concerned about our own welfare and we forget that for someone to be motivated to do something for us there must be something in it for them. Smart spies are extremely interested in learning what’s in this deal for their opponent. Knowing what they want will help you anticipate their next moves, understand and work with their resistance, and develop leverage by giving-up something important to them but insignificant to you, Than can assure that you get the best possible return for your negotiating efforts. There is great benefit in being less self-absorbed and more other-oriented.

Sources of information
The best spies know how and where to get information on their opponent without even approaching them because it could tip them off to the fact that you are somehow interested in them. You never know what you’ll be able to use.
Here are some common sources of valuable data:

- If you’re looking to buy a piece of property there are county records available that will tell you such information as: who owns a particular piece of property, how long they have owned it, what they originally paid for it, and how much they owe on it.
- If you’re dating someone and considering the possibility of entering into something as sacred and significant as marriage and you’re wondering if they are or have ever been married previously divorce and marriage information is also public record.
- If you’re considering the purchase of any piece of merchandise just check the internet to see what the best price is available. Don’t forget to consider shipping costs, warranties, and especially service. For many items it makes more sense to buy locally so you have access to support so knowing the internet price will give you leverage when negotiating.
- If you’re thinking about going into partnership with someone you might want to check the public records for bankruptcies and liens. If they can’t handle their own finances very well do want them to be involved with yours?
- If you’re considering hiring a new employee you should examine the public records for criminal convictions and to see if he or she is a registered sex offender. This advice could obviously be applied to partnerships as well.
- If you’re a landlord you might want to examine address histories in the public records as well as unlawful detainer judgments before renting to a new tenant. This could save you a lot of time and money in future evictions.
- If you’re pondering the possibility of developing a long-term relationship
with a business there are services such as Dunn & Bradstreet that will tell you
a great deal about their history, financial position, executive staff, and more.
- If you’re thinking about buying a car or truck there are dozens of websites that
will give you reviews, ratings, technical specifications, and even the dealer’s
cost. Just go to any internet search engine and put the make, model, and year
of the vehicle and be prepared to be overwhelmed.
- If you really want to have serious investigations done, think about hiring a private detective. A licensed and bonded investigator can conduct covert surveillance, locate hidden assets of ex-spouses, conduct background checks, and even administer lie detector tests. They are the ultimate spies.

Some people call it spying – I call it doing your homework

In some cases you may need to obtain extensive information about your counterpart before you can even approach a subject of negotiation. I don’t remember how it came about, but many years ago I got the crazy notion that I would like a discount on gasoline for my car. Over the years I had become friendly with my local dealer “Ahmed,” and one day I simply asked him, “What’s the slowest day of the week for gas?” He thought for a moment and said, “Mr. Michael, that is a good question. Let me think. You know that Monday is very busy here with people filling-up after the weekend, Tuesday it slows down and Wednesday is quiet. Then on Thursday and Friday people start filling up for the weekend and on Saturday and Sunday there is a line all the time. So Wednesday is our slowest day.”
Then I said, “So Ahmed, would it help you if you sold more gas on Wednesdays?” He smiled and said, “Yes, our costs would go down.” Then, his smile turned to a look of concern as it finally dawned on him where this conversation was headed. “Oh, Mr. Michael” he said, “we would have to sell much more gas than just your car for us to earn a discount from the distributor.”

I replied, “About how much more gas would you need to sell?” Ahmed pulled out a dusty calculator and furiously punched numbers as if to say, “I will show this man how crazy he is.” Finally, my friendly gas station owner finished his calculations and with a flourish spun his calculator around so I could see the results. “I would have to sell at least 2,000 extra gallons a month to get a discount” he said with a toothy grin thinking he had finally shut me up.
My response was immediate, “So if I could help you sell 2,000 more gallons a month on Wednesdays what kind of a discount on gas could I expect on that gas?” Obviously not prepared for my question, he scratched his head for a moment, then he hit some more buttons on his trusty calculator and finally said, “I could give you three cents off a gallon.” “THREE CENTS” I retorted, “That would only save me sixty cents every fill-up which is hardly worth the effort.” Then I simply waited for his response.

Eventually he offered four cents and we went back and forth for a while and finally settled on a discount of six cents a gallon. While saving a dollar and twenty cents on gasoline every week hardly affects my lifestyle, just the fun of being able to do what everyone says is impossible was worth it.

Oh, how did I earn my discount while helping Ahmed sell over 2,000 gallons extra every month? Easy, I just told all of my local friends in real estate sales that if they wanted a discount of six cents a gallon discount all they had to do was fill-up at my gas station on Wednesdays. No one uses more gas than real estate agents. We regularly had forty to fifty agents buying gas there on Wednesdays so we always more than met our requirements for the discount.
Most believe that there are products or services that are absolutely non-negotiable. One of the items that most people who attend my negotiating seminars say is not negotiable is medical and dental care and they’re right. It is one of the most difficult items to negotiate because we all need it and there is a limited supply of doctors, dentists, and nurses, yet, it is possible. For example, my wife wanted to buy those fancy invisible braces which cost about $5,000 so we let the dentist know we were interested but weren’t willing to pay $5,000 for them. We’d rather spend the money on a vacation, but in a perfect world we would be able to do both.

Two years later our dentist called with exciting news. She explained, “The patent on the braces is expiring and this design will be widely available from other manufacturers for about half the former cost.” If we hadn’t had originally negotiated we may never have known about this deal! We immediately made an appointment and my wife is now wearing braces that no one can see.

Plan so the negotiation environment favors you

Martial artists make themselves intimately acquainted with the location in which a contest is being held so that there aren’t any surprises, no distractions, or physical irritants to weaken your power. The ideal situation is to always negotiate on your home turf because you are intimately familiar with all the conditions. You are familiar with your own dojo and comfortable with every aspect of it while you will feel uneasy in theirs. This is why it’s always best to encourage your opponent to come to you so you have the “home field advantage.”

If we must meet an opponent in their dojo, we often can get a sense of it in advance by visiting as a prospective student at the same time of the day or night as the tournament. This enables you want to determine such factors as the lighting conditions, texture and thickness of the mat, overhead lighting, if the sun is coming in from the windows (you always want the sun behind you so it is in your opponent’s eyes), and anything else that might affect your performance. If we are unable to visit the location we must be ready for anything.

In negotiating it’s the same thing. Get them to come to you, if you can. In your own office you know the resources available such as the internet, forms, files, a showroom, a manager, and other resources that could be of value. On your opponent’s home turf you will be uncomfortable and off-balance. In addition, almost everyone who’s present will be silently cheering for your opponent to win. This can drain your energy and give you a defeatist attitude in spite of your best efforts. The psychological effects of being on the other person’s turn cannot be overestimated.
The reality is that when you are in a retail store you are automatically at a disadvantage because the seller’s advertising has enticed you to come to them. This is why you must do your homework before making any major purchase to give you as much leverage as possible.

When you are selling a product or service you are usually on your home turf. This does not mean that you shouldn’t do your homework as well to make sure you obtain the best deal.

So whenever there is a choice of venues always get the other party to come to you for maximum advantage. Once they do, you want to begin to identify your opponent’s strengths and weaknesses.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Michael Soon Lee, MBA, is the author of the new book “Black Belt Negotiating” (AMACOM Books, 2007), a world class negotiator and martial artist. He has bargained on everything from major real estate purchases to discounts on gas for his car. Michael shows people how to use martial arts secrets to gain leverage in any bargaining situation. His website is www.SeminarsUnlimited.com and his phone number is: (800) 417-7325.

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